The Official Website of author Jaime Theler

CHAPTER ONE

Why ANOTHER Parenting Book

  After that fateful visit, together we searched to find the parenting books that would apply. We discarded much that we found. Can you realistically ignore the temper tantrum of a child that screams for 30 minutes because you unlocked the car door when he wanted to do it? The books never mention what to do if your child rips apart her room during time out. (Do you then put her in a different time out?) What do good parents do when you tell your child, "No," firmly, calmly, and with a clear explanation for your reason and the result is a ten minute debate that finally ends with you both unhappy? How about when your small child refuses to stay in her bed despite repeatedly returning her to it for an hour, or despite pleading, threats, yells, and spankings? What do you do when your child challenges you through reason, some even so logical that you have to stop and think yourself?

After exhausting the normal parenting resources, we turned to the ones dedicated to more challenging children. These books are written about the "difficult child," the "strong-willed child," the “high need child.” or the "problem child." Even though these books do address some of the issues that frustrate you, for some reason they don’t seem to fit your child. Yes, she can be difficult. But some days she is not, and is a joy to be around. There is no doubt that she is strong-willed, but the daily battles are not merely to rebel or challenge your authority. It is just part of her personality. However, we did not find any books about the "sometimes difficult child," the "forever debating child," or “the cares a whole lot about everything child.”

We then unearthed a much smaller selection of books that came close to identifying with the little boy that our family knows, loves, and occasionally wants to lock in a room to get ten minutes of peace. These books used names like the "active-alert child" and the "spirited child." We were overjoyed to find that we were not alone. There is profound relief in admitting that yes, this child is different from others and that we truly did have a child on our hands that makes parenting more difficult. It was enlightening and uplifting to read of other parents and their experiences.

In her book Raising the Spirited Child, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka states that according to the personality research, 10 to 15 percent of all children living in the United States fit the description of this kind of a child.1 You are not alone. Your child is not alone; there are a lot of these children out there right now.

Once we calmed our fears that yes, these children really were more challenging, we were able to step back from the situation. We began to realize that the solutions to the parenting problems of this kind of child were not going to be found in most of the parenting books in libraries and book stores. We watched numerous mothers struggling with their children, trying to do what the conventional wisdom said to do with an active, wiggly, emotional child—only to have it fail. We saw the frustration on parent’s faces and the displeasure (or disapproval) on the faces of the people around who were watching the little dramas unfold. What do you do when all the “tried and true” methods simply do not work?

After searching through several books written by psychologists, teachers, educators, and scholars and coming up relatively empty-handed, we remembered the Lord’s promise of help given through James. James 1:5 states: “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”2 We decided that we were lacking wisdom. At this point we extended our search to include the scriptures and words of modern-day prophets together with secular resources.

Quickly we began to realize that these extraordinary children, these wondrous spirits, these gifted children of God are some of Heavenly Father's strongest. They are His "mighty nation." In Spencer W. Kimball's book, Faith Precedes the Miracle, he talks about babies and armies. He quoted F. M. Bareham as saying that while the men of the world are thinking of battles to make a difference in the world, Heavenly Father is sending babies to do the same. His illustration was that in 1809 while the world was waiting for news of Napoleon and his wars, a very young child was in the world whose name was Joseph.3 At the tender age of fourteen, young Joseph Smith changed the world more profoundly than an army. Surely we can understand the significance.

These spirits are the “little ones” the Lord foretold would “confound the wise,” “become a strong nation,” and “thrash the nations by the power of his Spirit.”4 This is the Lord's army. Is it any surprise that they are as strong-willed as they are? "No hardship will discourage [them]; they will penetrate the deepest wilds and overcome almost insurmountable difficulties."5

Hugh B. Brown tells us that these children are angels that the Lord has sent down for us to teach and prepare. Only a short time ago they were with Him. We should not shrink from the responsibility to teach them.6 Great is our responsibility. But it is very challenging also. How do you change contrariness, obstinacy, willfulness, and strong-headedness into steadfastness? Is it possible to transform a stubborn child into an unswerving servant of God? The answer is yes. It is possible or the Lord would not have asked it of us. It is as Nephi wrote so many years ago, "I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."7 What was true for Nephi is also true for us. In this we can have absolute faith.

We know that we have a challenge. It is all of ours: mothers, fathers, grandparents, neighbors, teachers, and church leaders. "And they shall also teach their children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord."8 But how do we teach the Ephraim’s Children being sent to earth, when conventional methods and wisdom doesn’t work? The books available now do not help us understand why these children have been reserved until now to come to Earth. Why has Heavenly Father held back the "difficult child" until now and started sending them by the millions? How do we need to parent them so they are spiritually prepared for their missions on this Earth?

The spiritual aspect of these children needed to be addressed. We decided that we needed to handle these issues ourselves. We started searching for our own solutions. Thus began this book. We searched parenting books, the scriptures, writings of prophets and apostles, and the experience of others in writing this. Our goal is to help us all magnify our callings in raising Heavenly Father’s latter day army. We hope to help you identify, understand, teach, and enjoy the Ephraim’s Child.